


i know that i can survive (i'll walk through fire to save my life)

by amaltheaz



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-03-28 22:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3872851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaltheaz/pseuds/amaltheaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her eyes rolled at Melinda's smirk and she sighed while walking over, grumbling quietly as she took the seat across from Melinda. Dark brown eyes stared back into her blue ones. She crossed her arms and let her gaze roam over the older woman. Melinda looked good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i know that look dear

**Author's Note:**

> Set after events in Avengers: Age of Ultron and after Agents of SHIELD, The Dirty Half Dozen (Season 2, Episode 19).

When she first stepped foot into the property that was Clint's farm, she intended to immerse herself in the innocence of the kids' laughter, to listen to their spirited stories about school and their friends. She intended to share a pot of tea with Laura in the kitchen, to quietly talk to Nathaniel and sing him sweet Russian lullabies. She thought that it was what she needed after days of no contact from Bruce and constant training with Steve. And of all the things she intended to do, calling Melinda was one that never really occurred to her.

A week had already gone since she tried to reach out to Bruce, since he ended contact with all of them. Natasha knew where he was though. She had known _exactly_ where he was going to go as soon as he shut down communications between them. He didn't exactly make it difficult to trace him. But he didn't want to be found, and it didn't matter just how much she wanted to go and see him, and make sure that he was okay. It didn't matter at all. So she was going to respect him and do what he didn't ask of her.

She stayed where she was needed, helping Steve train the new Avengers and keeping an eye on Tony.

But this was her downtime, and she decided to use it by going to Clint's place.

Seeing Laura smiling at her, holding out the mug that Cooper made Clint buy for her (it was a _blindingly_ orange mug that read 'World's #1 Aunt' in bold, chunky letters); seeing Lila race towards her, excitedly calling out her name and jumping into her arms. It all eased something that held tight in her chest. Something she never really knew and never realized she had longed or wanted for herself.

"You're sitting in my spot, you know?"

Melinda didn't look up from the book she was reading but it wasn't difficult to miss the slight quirk of her lips. "I remember. I'm still not getting up though."

Her eyes rolled at Melinda's smirk and she sighed while walking over, grumbling quietly as she took the seat across from Melinda. Dark brown eyes stared back into her blue ones. She crossed her arms and let her gaze roam over the older woman. Melinda looked good.

She had just spent the majority of the day sorting out the mess that Tony had left in the barn after he fixed the tractor. Her sweat-soaked clothes clung to her body, and she was pretty sure that she had trekked dirt into the house. Laura was going to be so mad.

"Who called you?"

"Laura. And then Steve."

Natasha nearly scoffed at the idea that Steve could have called her but then she thought of the way he had looked at her the other day. Nothing had been out of the ordinary. He asked her how she was, like he did every day they worked together, but she remembered the way he was looking at her, like he was searching and waiting for something more than just _I'm fine_.

"I'm surprised Clint didn't try too."

She felt a little bitterness seep into her bones at the thought that her colleagues, her _friends_ had been conspiring, talking about her and not actually confronting her about what was on her mind.

Though knowing that he and Laura were in on this together, she didn't feel so bad about the track of dirt she brought into the house anymore.

"Oh he was the one who actually tracked me down."

Natasha wanted to ask where. _Where had Melinda been this whole time? How did Clint know where to look?_

After S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, she found out from Maria that Melinda was at an undisclosed S.H.I.E.L.D base, working with Phil Coulson. Maria didn't tell her any more than this. In her shared phone calls with Melinda, there was an unspoken agreement to not disclose where they were. It was a precaution that they both took seriously.

But there was still no denying how good it felt to see Melinda again, sitting at the kitchen table. And it eased a whole separate tightness in her chest, one that she thought she had managed to bury a long time ago.

"I tried reminding them that you didn't like surprises."

There were a lot of things that Melinda had said to the people that called her. And the one thing she stressed to all of them was to just _talk_ to Natasha themselves. They hadn't seen each other in a really long time, not since New York maybe. And since then, there had only been short phone calls between them. What could she do from where she was? It was not like she could perform miracles.

But Clint gave her his stupid puppy dog look. A look that she had somehow never been able to say no to before. It was a look that never failed to get her into trouble and inevitably made her regret ever knowing Clint Barton.

She had been hesitant to leave the base, to leave Phil and Robert to their own devices when they unfortunately butt heads far too often, to leave with so many questions that Phil stubbornly refused to answer, to leave _her team_. She worried about how Skye was doing, how she was handling her powers though she did seem less afraid that she was going to explode at any given second. Melinda had been hesitant to leave in such fragile times.

"How long are you here?"

But what it came down to was this: Natasha was one of her own, somebody she counted as close as a friend, and as important as family could ever be. There was no decision to really make. She just had to hope that nothing went mind-numbingly wrong in her absence.

Two days, she told Clint. She was going to stay for _two_ days and then he was going to send her right back.

"Going back the day after tomorrow."

Looking at Natasha now, she knew she made the right choice.

"So we don't have a lot of time then."

\--

The owners of the farm were inconspicuously absent and Natasha rolled her eyes at how seriously not subtle they were. They had even taken the kids with them. But Laura had apparently left lasagna in the fridge waiting for her, complete with a post-it that had a smiley face and an _'I'm sorry'_ attached to it. So she decided to go take a shower and left Melinda with explicit instructions to just watch over the oven and to not do or touch anything else in the kitchen.

The shower gave her a moment of reprieve, to think about why Melinda was here and why she was the one that they called. She thought about the last time she had been in this shower, after she decided to just 'run with it'. And now here she was.

A missed window.

\--

She listened to the sounds of old pipes rattling in the walls as she waited for Skye to answer her video call. Once she appeared on the screen, it didn't take long for the younger woman to blurt out what had apparently been burning in her brain wince Melinda left.

"Is it true? Are you with _Hawkeye_? Don't lie, Melinda. I totally saw the surveillance."

"Then why did you even ask?"

Skye shrugged at the question. "Couldn't wait to hear you try and come up with an answer. Where are you? Where did he take you? And more importantly, how do _you_ know Hawkeye?"

"Skye..." she sighed, shaking her head and trying to resist a grin at the starstruck look on her face. Melinda might never admit it out loud but it warmed her heart to know that Skye remained relatively unchanged. If only she knew that Captain America himself had called Melinda just a few days ago.

"I know, I know. I'll know when I need to know _blah blah blah_. But I just have to know one thing- are his arms as yummy as they look in the pictures?"

She ignored the question. "Skye, you call me about anything that goes on at the base, okay?"

The younger agent looked confused at the serious request for a short minute. "Like, with Coulson or with Gonzales?"

"Both, and also everything else. Be my eyes and keep your ear to the ground, Skye. I'll be back in a couple of days."

"It's just- I feel this is a really weird and bad time to go for a vacation, even if it is with Clint _freaking_ Barton."

"I'm not _with_ Clint and this isn't a vacation."

"But-"

"Keep the team safe, Skye, and _be_ careful."

"Okay, whatever you say, May. You stay safe too. Use protection!"

Melinda sighed once again and rolled her eyes at Skye's parting words. For a second she thought about how she should have asked Skye how she was doing. She knew that the younger woman felt uneasy being around the very same people who only just recently had been hunting her down. Melinda thought once again about cutting her stay short.

It wasn't that Natasha was unhappy to see her. She knew that she was. The tension between them came from an incredible lengthy amount of time without being in each other's presence. Once that tension fell away, she knew just how easy it would be to fall back to exactly how they used to be before.

She could see it in the way that Natasha's blue eyes darkened the longer they kept talking and catching up. Just like the way her fingers subtly shook and trembled at the sight of those red curls, itching to be tangled in them once again.

And she knew that Natasha could see it too.

It would be _so_ easy.


	2. eyes always seeking (was there in someone that dug long ago)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still reeling a little bit from this week's episode, so this is a much shorter chapter but I promise that the next one will be a lot longer.

The house was quieter than she ever remembered it to be. There wasn't ever a time when she visited that she didn't _at least_ hear the television going.

On any other day, Lila would usually be helping Clint with whatever house project he had going and they would be singing along to the radio. Laura would be either in the kitchen or in her office, loudly typing away at something. Cooper would be outside the house but even his childish laughter could still be heard from inside.

The soft thuds of Melinda's footsteps around the kitchen provided as the only soundtrack while Natasha had gotten dressed.

"I figured I'd set the table for us since I'm not allowed anywhere near preparing the food."

The scene was painfully domestic but Natasha was no stranger to it. Melinda was meticulously placing the cutlery next to the plates that she had set earlier, making sure that they were in order. She grinned to herself and shook her head at how some things really never changed no matter how much time had passed.

She then noticed that the dirt-crusted floor had been cleaned spotless. Laura would never know that she had tracked dried mud into the house, which honestly kimd of disappointed her a little bit.

"Glad to see you haven't forgotten where everything was."

Melinda chuckled at this. "It's been a long time but it hasn't been _that_ long, has it?"

She shrugged. "Long enough that a lot of stuff has happened."

She watched as the other woman paused for a response but instead, silently pulled up a chair and gestured for her to take her seat. She could barely take in the warm, reassuring smile on Melinda's face, the openness in her eyes even though her body told Natasha a completely different story. She could tell that she was trying her best to relax, to make Natasha feel at ease, but Melinda had never been able to hide anything from her

And knowing that strangely made her feel better.

Natasha wondered whether in a different lifetime, if this life could have been hers. In a different lifetime, if she and Melinda could have been something more than what they were.

In a different lifetime.

She then decided to just stop thinking for now, walked over and completely bypassing the chair before she pulled Melinda right into her arms.

It was awkward.

Melinda was so obviously surprised that her body tensed before the tightness in her shoulders eventually loosened and Natasha stepped even closer.

It was familiar and yet, not so familiar at the same time. She had forgotten what this felt like, to have somebody close, somebody that you cared for, that cared for you too, somebody that you knew you could trust _completely_. It seemed that they both had forgotten.

Trust really was such a fragile thing in their line of business.

It had been a long time. _Far_ too long, she had thought as Natasha's body firmly pressed against hers, her arms tight around her waist. Melinda sighed as steady, warm breaths ghosted over her neck and she raised her arms to wrap around the redhead's shoulders, pulling her impossibly closer. She closed her eyes when Natasha rested her forehead against her jaw and she slid her hands up, finally twining her fingers in those silky red curls.

As soon as Melinda's fingers were in her hair, her eyes fell shut and she released a shuddering breath.

Comfort was such a strange experience.

"You okay?" she asked quietly and she waited patiently until she felt Natasha nod. "You want to talk about it?"

Melinda wasn't surprised though when Natasha shook her head. She wasn't even surprised when Natasha tried to burrow deeper into her embrace before pulling away completely. She was surprised though when Natasha suddenly took her hand and squeezed it.

The instinct to pull her hand away was strong, but Natasha held on with a firm grip. She wasn't going to let go and the longer her hold stayed, sure and warm, Melinda slowly began to give in and allowed herself this touch. It suddenly hit her then that the last person that had held her hand like this had been Andrew. Her stare fixated at the way their fingers intertwined comfortably, before trailing up to meet Natasha's deep blue eyes.

They kept her grounded.

"We should eat before Laura's food goes to waste."

She nodded shakily at Natasha's suggestion. Melinda began to ask herself then whether this visit really had just been for Natasha, or maybe it could just be for herself too.


	3. so i will not ask you why you were creeping (in some sad way i already know)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had a longer chapter planned, but I wanted to keep to this plan of posting something weekly and this scene was already completed. So I hope you're all cool with that. We're progressing slowly but surely, :).  
> And on another somewhat related note, I'm really kind of happy about how we ended the finale with May. Though if I had known we were going to end the season like that, I would have waited to write this story and it could have actually almost kept canon, :p.

It was the next morning when Melinda laid awake in the spare bedroom, unsure what to think about this. Unsure what to _feel_ about this, even.

There was nothing she urgently had to do or supervise. She didn't have to meet with Gonzales, trying to figure out what his game plan was. She didn't have to see Phil and ask him - once again - all the burning questions inside her. She didn't have to do _anything_.

Was this what peace felt like? Was this what it felt like to press pause on almost every responsibility that she took on every single day?

She really wasn't sure what to feel about this at all.

But at least she wasn't alone.

Dinner the night before had been a quiet affair. There was an unspoken mutual agreement that anything she and Natasha really needed to say could wait. And just for the one night until they went into their separate bedrooms to sleep, they indulged themselves in the pretense that this was like any other day and hungrily soaked in each other's presence.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when her phone alerted her to a video call from Skye.

Speaking of responsibilities.

The younger woman's face quickly appeared once she accepted the call, interrupting her once again before she could even a utter a 'Good morning' or any sort of pleasantry. "Hey, when are you coming back again?"

"Skye, I told you this. I'm coming back tomorrow."

Skye was anxiously biting at her bottom lip as she nodded. "Good, because it's really getting a _little_ too uncomfortable around here."

The concern that had lit as soon as she saw Skye's face began to burn hotter in her chest. "Why? What happened?"

Skye shook her head, dismissing her with a wave of her hand and so clearly trying to put on a stoic mask. But even with the extensive training that they had done, Skye had never stopped wearing her heart on her sleeve.

"It's nothing. it's just- the way that everybody keeps looking at me- it makes me feel kinda- _weird_ , y'know?"

She did know. She received those very same looks from time to time, when people realized who she was. Curious but completely afraid. And she knew they weren't really ever going to stop looking at her like that. Even in the face of truth, people remain steadfastly unchanged.

She didn't blame Skye for wanting another familiar face, especially when there were so many other _unfamiliar_ ones walking everywhere around her, and she couldn't really be sure whether they were friendlies or not.

Melinda frowned. "Where are everybody else? Coulson? Simmons? Fitz? Bobbi?"

Skye shrugged. "They're around. They come to see me and talk but-it's just not the same."

"What about your friend? Has he woken up yet?"

The younger woman shook her head. "On and off, but Lincoln's mostly still down for the count. Jemma said that he's still healing from whatever it was they did to him so it'll be another day before he'll be really okay."

"Have _you_ slept at all?"

Her dry chuckle confirmed what Melinda already knew, what she could clearly see from the tired look in Skye's eyes. "And _how_ exactly am I supposed to be doing that?"

"You need your rest, Skye. You're of no use to us or your friend if you're dead on your feet."

Skye was nodding at her gentle scolding and she sighed. "I know. I'm just worried that if I go or close my eyes, they'll do something to Lincoln. Or _me_."

She suspected that there was more Skye wanted to say to her but she didn't seem sure on how to actually say it. She wondered if Skye wanted to tell her where she had been before they found her. She wondered if Skye would tell anybody. It wouldn't be long until Phil would get impatient and she could only hope that he would wait until she got back herself before finding out what he wanted from Skye.

"Nothing's going to happen to you. You're safe," she promised. Despite whatever secrets Phil was keeping, she knew he wouldn't let anything happen to Skye.

"I hope you're right."

Melinda sighed at the look on the younger woman's face, a stark mix of skepticism and anxiety. She couldn't really blame Skye for feeling the way she did, especially after all that happened and all that she had been through. Any other person would feel on edge too.

"Is there anything else?"

"What should I tell Coulson when he asks about you?"

"Tell him nothing. Tell him that I'll be back tomorrow."

"Right. I'm sure he'll be real happy to hear _that_ ," Skye muttered.

She refrained from saying that she didn't owe Phil any explanations as to where she was and what she was doing. If Skye had noticed the tension between them, she would have mentioned it. And Melinda didn't want her to have more cause to worry about what was currently going on for all of them. A knock on her door stopped her from replying and she looked up to see Natasha standing in the doorway.

It was time for her day to officially start, it seemed.

Turning back to Skye, she asked, "Anything else?"

"Still waiting to know on whether Clint Barton's arms are as dreamy as they look."

Once again she ignored the question, though this time the amusement in her tone was difficult to miss. "I'll see you tomorrow, Skye. Be safe and _get_ some sleep. That's an order."

Skye sighed loudly, voicing her displeasure but she still nodded anyway. " _Okay_. See you tomorrow. And remember what I said: use protection!"

Natasha watched as Melinda ended the call, shaking her head and smiling to herself. She wondered who had been on the other end of that phone call since it wasn't a voice that she could easily recognize. She chuckled at the other woman's parting words to Melinda though as she walked further inside the room and sat next to her on the bed.

As soon as Natasha was next to her, Melinda reached up and ran her fingers through her red curls, prompting blue eyes to meet with her own. She had been right about how easy it was to fall back to this, to fall back to old familiar habits.

"Have you been up for very long?"

The redhead shook her head, leaning more into Melinda's touches. "Not long. Everything okay back at the base?"

Melinda nodded, pulling her hand away from those irresistible red curls to reach over and place her phone back on the bedside table. "But the day just started. Anything can happen."

"But if nothing does, you'll be heading back tomorrow anyway, right?'

She hummed in confirmation. "Clint is sending me back."

Natasha nodded, having thought as much since he was the one that tracked Melinda down in the first place. She looked around the room, taking in its very bare walls. The last time this room had been slept in was when Tony used it.

"How did you sleep? You could have slept in my room, you know."

"Why? Were you looking to recreate something?"

Little bits of memory began to flash intermittently in her mind. Images of sweaty porcelain skin, of sharp white teeth biting down on a full bottom lip, of strong hands desperately gripping at bed sheets. She was sure that she was mirroring the discerning smirk on Natasha's face.

Natasha certainly hadn't been expecting _that_.

She found herself leaning closer to the older woman, close enough that she could see Melinda's gaze fall to her lips. She reached out for Melinda's hand, playing with her fingers to distract herself.

"No. I just know that the bed isn't very comfortable. Stark said it was very lumpy."

Melinda shrugged, her stare so completely focused on full red lips. "I've slept in worse places."

The air was thick around them and there was nothing else. Natasha waited to see what the other woman was going to do, waited to see if she was going to let it happen, waited to see what was going to happen next.

But then she realized that Melinda was looking right at _her_. She was looking at her like _she_ was the one that was waiting. Melinda's intentions were clear. And now she was waiting for Natasha to say _yes_ , _no_ , _not yet_ , or maybe _never again_. .

But in this moment, there was only one answer for her.

Before Natasha was even done nodding, Melinda's lips were already on hers.

\--

The last time that Natasha had kissed anybody, it had been Bruce before she pushed him. She pushed him into the void, calling for the big guy to take his place, to help save the day. And then he left. He left _her_.

So this time, Natasha _pulled_.

She pulled Melinda closer, pressed their lips harder. She pulled until her fingers dug and pulled at Melinda's shirt. She pulled Melinda into her, until all her senses were filled with all that she was. All that _they_ were.

There was something in the taste of Natasha's kisses, the feel of her soft lips moving with hers. The way she breathed in as Natasha breathed out. It made something in her chest ease and tighten all at the same time. She didn't know if it was because of the way that Natasha held on to her, the way she kept her so _goddamn_ close.

Natasha was just about to draw Melinda further into her until they were laying down on the very lumpy bed when the loud rumbling of Melinda's stomach echoed between them. They broke apart with breathless laughter spilling out of their lips, Melinda's forehead resting on hers and an uncharacteristically faint blush spreading across her cheeks.

"Hungry?"

"Starving actually."

They immediately disentangled and she caught her breath, watching as Natasha got up from the bed, attempting to smooth down her hair and her clothes. Her feet were barely planted on the floor when lips were softly pressing on her forehead and she looked up to meet those familiar blue eyes.

"To be continued later?"

Natasha released a deep breath of her own at the hushed question and nodded in absolute agreement.


	4. why were you digging (what did you bury before those hands pulled me from the earth)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am an awful, awful person. I am so sorry. Please accept my apology with a brand new chapter.

The sun was on its way to setting by the time she stepped back inside the house. This time she remembered to take her shoes off and she placed them by the front door to avoid dragging the dirt back with her. The food that Laura had generously prepared and left for her and Melinda were kind gestures she decided she did not want to sully with dry mud tracks on her floor. 

Exhaustion was seeping in her bones but it was a tiredness that she welcomed. Her clothes were drenched from sweat and she knew she was going to spend a significant amount of time in the shower trying to get the gunk from under her fingernails and her hair. A long, hot shower certainly sounded like the most heavenly of things to her at this point.

She walked in to find Melinda in the living room, barefoot and curled up beside Lucky who looked like he was sleeping and content with his head on her lap. The older woman was reading the same book in her hands that she had started earlier this morning when Natasha left for the barn. Her gaze then swept over to the handgun laying in plain sight on the table beside Melinda, immediately reminding her of her own sidearm hidden under her jacket. 

Even in times of peace, they were unfailingly prepared for anything. 

It turned out that Lucky wasn’t asleep and so he acknowledged her presence when he got up and padded over to her. She grinned tiredly at his wagging tail as he sniffed and licked her hand before she ran her fingers through his fur. Natasha watched on in amusement when he began to circle excitedly around her and wondered idly if Melinda had fed him.

"You know that once you get that barn all sorted out, Clint's just going to mess it all back up, right?"

It had been a good few hours since Natasha went back to work in the barn after their shared breakfast while Melinda herself had been fully engrossed in her book. There had been times when she paused in her reading to marvel at how she hadn't been interrupted and called into a meeting. Who knew, she might even be able to finish this book before the day ended. Though she wasn't too sure about that now that Natasha was back in the house. Which would be a shame considering how close she was to the end.

But there was just an air of quiet, beguiling grace to the redhead, which made it rather difficult to concentrate on anything else. Melinda sighed to herself, staring blankly at the words in her book while thoughts of this morning played bright and vivid in her mind. Of soft lips moving with her own, of firm hands grabbing at her hips and of the heat she felt between her thi-

Her fingers pressed harder into the covers of her book. It was like something had broken free and every inch of her just wanted -  _ ached _ \- to be closer to Natasha.

Natasha sighed deeply and gave a weak shrug as she slumped down and took a seat next to Melinda. Lucky instantly jumped up and to their shared amusement, jealously stole what little space that was left between them. She went to fondly pat his head and kept her hand there, her fingers playing with his fur. "It's just something to do though, you know? Keeps my hands busy."

Melinda hummed in agreement, making a show of flipping to the next page. She knew only too well what Natasha meant. But her gaze was unfocused. The words in front of her had long stopped registering, stopped making any sense and she had already lost sight of where the story was going but it was something that kept her own hands from being idle as she watched in her periphery as Natasha’s fingers ran through Lucky’s fur. 

And Melinda continued pretending to read, continued pretending that her eyes were anywhere else than on Natasha until she couldn’t pretend anymore that she could feel Natasha's stare burning into the side of her face. When she decided to finally meet Natasha’s blue eyes, she was surprised at their softness but it wasn’t difficult to miss the questions that hid behind them. Melinda thought to wait until her fellow agent spilled what was on her mind but she knew that they really didn’t have the time to play that game. And last she checked, Natasha was just as good and just as stubborn at waiting as she was. "What?" she eventually asked, quietly.

Her blue eyes lowered to the side and she sighed before she looked out the window. The sky was beginning to fill with hues of red, yellow and orange, and if she squinted just a little bit, Natasha could just barely see the long dirt road that led to the ranch. She looked back to meet Melinda’s patient stare. “Do you ever think about having something like this? Something away from S.H.I.E.L.D? Something normal?”

Melinda quirked an eyebrow at the question. “Normal? In  _ our _ line of work?”

“The fact that this place even exists is proof that it’s not  _ completely _ impossible,” Natasha tried to argue.

“The fact that this place is also in a hidden location, is a well-kept secret known only by a select few; can it  _ really _ be considered normal?” the older woman countered. 

The redhead shrugged listlessly. “Seems to work fine enough for them.”

‘It’s not the same though, Nat. We’re not them. Laura’s family but she’s still a civilian.”

There was a quiet shift when Lucky had jumped down from his place and she realized that he was nudged down by Natasha. The redhead was now so much closer than she was a minute ago. Melinda wondered when exactly and how Natasha had moved into her personal space without her even noticing it. She let out a deep breath when Natasha gently pushed her book shut, ending any pretense of reading. Her eyes remained on the now closed book in her lap.

"Why are you here, Melinda?"

Melinda sighed deeply before looking up to meet steely blue eyes. "Your friends are just really concerned about you, Nat."

It was an answer she was expecting but still Natasha felt the heat rising up the back of her neck. The question had been rolling around in her head all day while she worked relentlessly in the barn and even though she instinctively knew why, it still frustrated her to no end. It wasn't Melinda's fault. There was nobody to blame in this situation, which made this frustration even worse. It wasn't Melinda's fault and she knew this. But there was nobody else around to take the brunt of what she currently felt, nobody to stop her. "So they made the decision to call you? Without even  _ asking _ me? Are you here to  _ fix _ me, Melinda?"

Melinda ignored the biting tone, the deprecating scoff. "You aren't broken, Natasha."

She drew in a ragged breath at the sharp clenching in her chest. "And you aren't a  _ distraction _ .”

Melinda paused then for more than a moment, her mind flashing back to Ward accusing her of using him to cope. “I never thought that I was.” 

They both knew that there was a small part of her that did think that but Natasha chose to ignore it. Choosing instead to focus on how Melinda’s posture slumped a little, how her brown eyes flashed at the word ‘distraction’. She chose to focus instead on the fact that this was somebody she knew, somebody that knew  _ her _ even, and there really weren't many people on that list as it is. Melinda’s loyalty was something she treasured amongst so few things. Her gaze softened. “I  _ was _ going to call you.”

"I would have,” she insisted when Melinda only responded with a mildly skeptical look. “You  _ know _ that I'm not a fan of people making decisions for me."

Melinda let out a tiny chuckle. "Oh how I know that so  _ very _ well."

\---

The sunset brought an orange glow onto the living room of the Barton home, casting shadows across the floor. Melinda’s dark hair had tinges of brown and red, almost fiery while her brown eyes seemed to burn brighter than Natasha had ever seen before and it left her almost breathless. The older agent had started talking about Andrew and how he had recently helped her team with a case. The redhead couldn't help but notice how much Melinda still felt for the man she used to call the love of her life. She might not have been the most expressive person in the world, none of them were really. But looking at her now, talking about Andrew, she seemed almost  _ animated _ . 

It was only when Melinda seemed to finish her story that Natasha asked her something she never realized she wanted to know until now. "When Andrew left S.H.I.E.L.D., would you have gone with him if he had asked you?"

Melinda stilled for a moment, as if to actually think about it but then she shook her head, frowning. "We were already divorced then, Natasha."

She shrugged as if to say,  _ So what _ . "That doesn't mean you didn't still love each other.  _ Everybody _ knew that."

"It just wouldn't have worked. Not after- just,  _ not _ after."

She stared at Melinda’s profile, took in her tight jaw and how she curiously seemed to find the floor so interesting that it suddenly required all of her attention. 

But Natasha knew.

She knew that there was more to what happened in Bahrain than Melinda reported, more than what even Coulson knew. She spent enough time watching Melinda,  _ knowing _ her and being her friend. She knew there were more things that had been left unsaid. She knew that it was one of the reasons that Melinda left the field, left Andrew. She wasn't going to ask and Melinda knew she wouldn't. Just like she knew that Melinda wasn't going to ask about what happened with Bruce. That was how things worked between them. They followed no pace but their own.

Natasha reached over and picked up the book that was still on Melinda’s lap and placed it on the table beside her, beside her handgun that still laid in plain sight. She leaned back and gently ran her thumb over Melinda's full lips. The older woman still refused to meet her eyes. But she paid no mind as her thumb continued down to gently trail over Melinda's jaw. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. She waited until she felt jaw muscles began to slacken just a little.

She then went to lay down, resting her head on Melinda’s lap. Natasha curled into her so she could face the older woman, moving closer when deft fingers started to run through her red curls. Her own hand reached to play lazily with the hem of Melinda's shirt and she huddled closer. Blunt fingernails scratched soothingly over her scalp as she started telling Melinda about the man who saw himself as a monster. 

\---

The evening came and the moon was slowly rising in the sky when Natasha neared the end of her own story. "I told Bruce- I told him that I'd run with him. I told him- as  _ far _ as he wanted."

The fingers in her hair froze, and her eyes opened to find Melinda’s gazing down at her, her dark eyes filled with understanding. There weren't many people that she knew who would understand the magnitude of her words. But she and Melinda were too alike in this sense, that they always made sure their words were never wasted on false promises. There was no time to make them when they could just as swiftly be broken. "That was bold."

"You mean impulsive and stupid."

"Is that what you think it was?"

Natasha shrugged as she closed her eyes. She had thought about that moment with Bruce over and over again. She had thought about all their interactions, letting each and every one play out in her mind. She wondered of all the things she could have said or done differently. Even after weeks of deep reflection gave her no answers as to why she acted the way she did or said the things she said. She shrugged once more. "It just-  _ seemed _ like the thing to say, you know?"

"Would you have?"

She blinked slow and looked up to meet Melinda's questioning gaze, feeling them bore and search into her. 

“Would you have gone with him?” Melinda elaborated.

Natasha bit down on her lip, and then she sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know. But wouldn't it have been something if I could?"

"Maybe in another time,” Melinda offered quietly, her fingers still combing through silky red curls. 

She sighed once more, mirroring Melinda's wistful smile with her own and knowing that they were both thinking of paths not taken and paths that were now lost to them. "Maybe in another universe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr @maybewritingthings


	5. honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss (like real people do)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: It gets mildly smutty towards the end but nothing full-on, more of a lead into it. I was honestly going to write a full sex scene but it didn't really fit with the vibe I've been going for in this story. So I hope that's not disappointing for some of you.

It was late into the night when they were sat outside on the porch swing and as they gently swung back and forth, the sounds of it creaking echoed into the starry sky. After they were finished with their dinner, they had popped open a bottle of wine, deciding to forgo the glasses and trading the bottle back and forth between them. It seemed like a nice way to cap off her visit, something that reminded them both of earlier days; before Bahrain, before the Avengers, before New York. Before everything. When they were all really good friends having a drink, just enjoying each other's company. 

And in that second of reminiscing, Melinda felt the ache of  _ missing _ her friends, of days past, more than she ever did before. So much time had passed and they had all moved on, apart from each other. She quietly sipped the red wine, swallowing down the longing for their company once again. She looked to her companion sitting silent beside her and Melinda sighed at how Natasha illuminated under the light of the full moon. She turned her attention then to the stars that blanketed the sky, to their surroundings of the ranch in its serenity. "I forgot how beautiful the stars are out here," she whispered, reverent as she looked back up to the dark sky. 

"I forgot how beautiful you are in the moonlight."

Melinda just  _ barely _ held back her scoff, her chuckle, and could only shake her head at the redhead's sentiment when their eyes met and she realized that Natasha had been staring at her. There was a flush in her cheeks that Melinda couldn't help but find utterly charming mirroring the warmth in her own cheeks and there was a glint in Natasha’s blue eyes that made it so difficult to look away. She grabbed the bottle of wine that sat between them. "I thought I wasn't a distraction."

Natasha turned to face Melinda fully, leaning back against the armrest of the porch swing while tucking her feet under her. She watched the brunette take a short sip of the wine, a thirteen-year old bottle that they found in Clint’s cellar. She smirked lazily, her blue eyes dark and she shrugged, an attempt at casualty that she knew Melinda could see right through. "You aren't. But that doesn't make my words any less true."

Melinda took another sip, longer this time while keeping their eyes locked in a gaze. She licked her lips, tasting the vibrant acidity of the drink. "Sounds more like the wine talking." When Natasha only shrugged once again in reply, she assumed that the redhead had nothing more to add so she leaned back in her position, set to enjoy the rest of their night in companionable silence. The undercurrent tension between them was like a gentle fire and they were more than happy to soak in its warmth for now. 

"There were rumours about us, you know."

This time Melinda didn't hold back her laughter while Natasha chuckled quietly beside her. "Oh I know. I'm pretty sure Clint was responsible for most, if not all, of them."

Natasha laughed, not in disbelief because she knew that it was something that Clint would  _ absolutely _ do just to stir things up. "If only they knew, huh?"

Brown eyes widened in excitement at the possibilities and Melinda shook her head. "Their minds would  _ explode _ . Skye's freaking out at the thought that I could be with Clint as it is. God knows if she even knew there was an ounce of truth to the rumours about you and me."

She hummed in curiosity at the mention of the younger agent. She had heard very little about Skye from Nick, knowing only that she used to be a member of the hacktivist group, Rising Tide. Even though Melinda’s face showed nothing but mild concern, Natasha still heard the tenderness in her voice as she spoke to Skye earlier in the day.  "The way you talked to her this morning- you're very fond of her."

Melinda nodded as she thought of the younger woman and of the things they had been through together. No matter how hard she tried to keep a detached distance from the younger woman in the beginning, Skye showed through and through that she was nothing what Melinda or anybody else would ever expect. She was passionate, determined and always wanted to do the right thing by everybody. Melinda thought of what Skye was up to now and hoping that she was resting. "Sometimes, she reminds me of who I used to be."

The redhead shifted to sit closer to Melinda, placing her hand on the other’s forearm. Her blue eyes were gentle in the moonlight and her touch was tender. "Who you are now isn't so bad, Melinda."

\--

Long after their bottle of wine was finished and only the dizzying warmth of alcohol lingered in their chests, they eventually decided that it had gotten too cold to stay outside anymore, and in mutual agreement they quietly crept back inside the house. It went unspoken when Melinda followed Natasha into her room and closed the door behind her. She leaned back and took a quick glance around the bedroom.

It was all mostly bare except for several things that were scattered around the room that made it clear that this was Natasha's. Drawings signed with Lila's and Cooper's names, addressed to 'Aunt Nat', were pinned to the wall above a tiny office desk. There were so many of them. Natasha followed her gaze towards the wall. "That's mostly Cooper's work but they like seeing that I have them up there. I'm sure I'll have a full wall of them soon enough."

Melinda smirked, teasing as she traced one of the drawings on the desk that hadn't been taped to the wall just yet. The bright and vibrant colours told her that the drawing was new, recent, maybe a few days old. She turned to Natasha as she took a seat on her bed. "I guess that's why you were the one that got that ugly mug."

"You’re just jealous you didn’t get one,” she gloated, her blue eyes following Melinda as she looked around her room until she finally met her gaze. 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m fine without one, thanks.”

Natasha waited until Melinda finally walked over to sit beside her. Her gaze swept slowly over the brunette and Natasha couldn't help but think of how surreal it was to be here with Melinda. She thought about how it had been so long since they had been this close to each other.  _ Too _ long. “I’m really glad that you came, Melinda,” she whispered, quiet and husky. 

Melinda stared at the redhead, contemplative before she pushed forward and pressed her lips onto Natasha’s in response, soft and chaste. The faint taste of the red wine lingered between them and it warmed the parts of her that had only just begun to cool down. She leaned in, guiding Natasha to lay back onto her bed. "You want this, right? I just want to check. Don't want you thinking I'm making  _ decisions _ for you."

An impish grin met Natasha’s glare, mild though it was. "Shut up,” she groaned heatedly before biting down on Melinda’s lips. 

"Make me."

Natasha’s lips then became  insistent, harder. They were breathtaking and filled with too many things that Melinda hesitated to name. She bore no illusions that this could be more than what it was. And she knew that Natasha understood this as well. They had understood this back then too. This wasn’t about being in love. This was about trust. They  _ trusted  _ each other enough for this, for there to be no need to talk about whatever happened between them afterwards. 

It was an easy kind of complicated and it was something they knew how to handle. 

She felt a shuddered breath sweep over her neck before she was gently pushed off to lay on her side. And Melinda watched on in quiet awe as red hair flowed out and curled above Natasha’s shoulders when she sat up and took off her shirt. She sat up too, watching as time seemed to pass so slowly while her eyes roamed over naked skin that was being revealed to her, pausing briefly over the scars she found, old and new. 

There were stories to be told from these scars and at this moment, Melinda wished more than anything that they had more time to find out about them. But there was never going to be enough time and she didn't want to waste whatever time they actually had left together. She already had so many regrets when it came to people that she loved and cared for and Natasha was the last person she wanted to add to that list. 

Her fingers traced Natasha’s skin, her eyes following their journey as they moved across steady collarbones and tiny little freckles, watching the goosebumps that rose immediately in their wake. She lifted her gaze meeting Natasha’s dark blue eyes when the other woman turned her body to face hers and she moved her hand up to gently graze her knuckles over the redhead’s face. “Are you with me?” she whispered, soft and barely discernible but Natasha heard her all the same. She had to check one last time. 

She received a subtle nod in reply before she stood up from the bed, Natasha following her movements by sitting up in front of her. Her hands fell to unbutton her own shirt and she huffed out a quiet grunt when Natasha’s own hands tugged almost impatiently at her jeans, unbuttoning them then guiding them down her hips along with her underwear. Melinda shrugged off her shirt, aware of the dark blue eyes staring and burning into her naked skin. “I was going to get to those.”

“I’m being helpful,” she replied as she squeezed lithe hips.

“Oh is  _ that _ what you call it?”

She was met with an impressive eye-roll and a good-natured smirk before Natasha leaned back and lifted her own hips to do the same as she did to Melinda a few seconds ago. Her hands went back to Melinda's hips, thumbs grazing hip bones, smooth and gentle before she pulled the standing woman closer until Melinda was finally straddling her lap and there was no space left between them. There was nothing left between them and their eyes met before their mouths did. Soft moans were caught and tasted across their lips. Melinda’s hands and fingers were buried and tangled deep in the curls of her hair, pulling and pulling and pulling and  _ god _ , her chest was burning but this - this  _ feeling _ \- it was like coming up for air and she wanted so,  _ so _ much more. 

Her fingers dug into the soft flesh of Melinda’s hips before slowly dragging them up her back as the other woman began to grind against her. She forced herself to pull away from the kiss as her chest heaved with a quiet, ragged groan and her voice was raspy with desire at the slick heat moving on top of her. She pulled Melinda even closer, her panted moans sweeping heavily across her slender neck. “That’s hardly fair,” she groaned into soft skin.

“Don’t act like you don’t like when I do that.” Natasha’s face was warm and flushed in the space between her neck and her shoulder and time seemed to stand still. She took a deep breath, willing her racing heart to slow down. 

Her eyes were still closed, had remained so since they kissed but Melinda couldn't help but notice everything else that she couldn't see. The way her skin and Natasha’s felt moving and sliding against each other. The way that Natasha was holding her so close and her fingernails were digging into her skin. The way that she breathed her in as if she was trying to capture her scent, as if she wanted to remember this very moment - this  _ night _ \- in the days to come. 

And maybe, as Natasha moved back so she could lay down with Melinda on top of her, just maybe, it was a little bit about love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, three months since the last update. That's not so bad, right? Right? 
> 
> Anyway, one more chapter to go you guys. I'm really happy you have stubbornly stuck with me despite my poor updating habits. You're the best, <3.


End file.
